Thoughts On Michael Jackson

It's been 9 days or so since I first heard that MJ died. The reality of it still hasn't kicked in. He was such a constant presence in the media, and he had been performing since before I was born and to imagine a world without Michael Jackson seemed unheard of. Every day I think about him and every day it still seems inconceivable.

And let's face it, the man's life is truly epic. He's a legend. And the strange thing is, when he passed away, all of the eccentricities and child molestation allegations seemed to fall by the wayside. All of a sudden, it seemed that everyone was remembering the songs, the dance moves, the moonwalk, his unique vocal style ... all was forgiven. There was such an outpouring of grief and love for him that I heard people say, more than once "if only he could be here to see all of this". Ah, the irony of death.

He was a fascinating individual and I'm sure many books could be written about him. A man-child who refused to grow up; making "Neverland" and inviting busloads of underprivileged kids over to play. A man who gave to 39 different charities. A man who was fragile and vulnerable and filled with incredible self-loathing; so much so that he surgically altered his features again and again until the MJ of "Off The Wall" had virtually vanished.

He hadn't had a hit album in twenty years. "Bad" was the last album with plenty of solid hits, "Dangerous" fared worse (moreso due to grunge taking over the airwaves) and "Invincible" came and went with very little attention, but he was ALWAYS in the media because of his eccentricities, the molestation allegations (which I don't believe to be true), his strange antics (dangling his baby off the balcony, accepting the award for "performer of the millenium" and thinking it was a real award, his nose caving in from so many surgeries). When I realized he had only had two real albums in the last two decades, it really surprised me; I hadn't realized how little output he had in the last two decades. And after reading plenty about him on the internet, it seems there are many, many songs he began/ projects he began but never finished.

And something else I read really struck a chord for me too. One person compared his life to "The Truman Show", and it's true! Since he was eight he's been in the public eye. He never knew what it was like NOT to have the world watching his every move. He never had the chance to be normal. I can't imagine that. He bemoans a lost childhood, explaining that that's why he had kids over so much and why he built Neverland. I saw a few interviews where he explained that he would be heading to the recording studio at 9 years old and he would see kids playing soccer/ baseball/ football across the street and he would be so jealous. He wanted that. He wanted a normal childhood... and, as with many people who miss out on a childhood, he tried to find it in his adult life. He was a 10 year old trapped in a middle-aged man's body.

Perhaps that also explains why he wasn't so productive in the last twenty years or so. Maybe he was pushing away the performer side of himself because he was too busy trying to recreate a childhood he never had. Not to mention dealing with the trials, the surgeries and many other issues which undoubtedly got in the way of artistic creation.

I find myself wondering if his life was a tragedy or not. Let's face it, the last ten/ fifteen years of his life were plagued with troubles. The accusations of molestation, the trials (during which he wouldn't eat and would become virtually skeletal), the constant surgeries and the plastic/ putty nose that replaced his real nose, which had caved in (and the strange thing being that he denies having more than two surgeries), the vitiligo, the constant mockery of the media and tabloids ... the man had many real-life troubles. After the cancer kid accused him of molestation, and those trials began, I think he became disillusioned with humanity. Soon afterwards he abandoned Neverland, removed most of the rides and move to some Arabic country.

But it makes me content to think that the last few days before he died he was quite happy (from what I read) and exuberant about the upcoming 50 shows in London. The fact that this tour never happened is sort of tragic, but at least he died knowing he had 50 sold out shows and a show that sounds like it would have been pretty amazing and epic. I think/ hope he died in the knowledge that he was loved by many.

He was an amazing dancer. Things he could do with his limbs were incredible. He also had a very original vocal style that is truly his own. And he has many great songs. His life was far from perfect and he was a very controversial figure, but there's no denying that he made a MASSIVE impact on pop music in the last forty years. I will never forget listening to "Thriller" for the first time. I will also never forget trying to do the Moonwalk at ten years old, or when I was in first year college and "Black and White" came out and I thought it was a pretty damn cool tune.

But at the bottom of it all, I think he was pretty lonely and pretty misunderstood (He surrounded himself with mannequins and statues to make him feel less lonely). And now that he's gone (forever), I think people aren't demonizing him as much as he has been in recent years. I think there is a sort of universal forgiveness for his mistakes and indiscretions and "weirdness"... I think his death has given people the chance to realize that he deserved his title of the "King of Pop" and despite his troubles, his life affected millions. And in the end, I think there was a lot of love in that man and I think now the world feels the impact of losing such a monumental human being.